Fireflies

     An abstract personal portrait done in pastels.

     I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADD, OCD and anxiety. Fun, right? -_-

     Before my life and spirit was changed for the better since I took these pills from my doctor, my head was unwelcomed by overwhelming random thoughts, primarily of tidbits from movies, tv shows, YouTube videos, etc. Some of these thoughts are even abusive towards myself.

     Simply put, my thoughts were fireflies with three terrible duties.

     First, they were distractions. Blocking my vision of all that was happening before my eyes while trying to experience my life to the fullest, but what was even more painful was the dreaded blockage of the path from my heart to my head. It doesn't matter what I felt for anybody or anything, the fireflies, by far the harshest critics I know, wouldn't budge on believing I was capable of believing anything. Most everybody I've told about this doesn't understand, but I knew what I felt. Very rarely did I smile, laugh or cry, but oddly enough was I able to express my anger and frustration quite well.

     Second, they were words. Too many to choose, too fast and too scattered to catch, too stubborn to escape.

     Third, they were priorities. So many things I needed to do to progress my future as well as wanted to do to expand my limited scope and artistic skills and just to pass the time. Again, scattered little bastards. -_-

     But ever since the pills, as well as regular visits to a therapist, and not to mention being found by the best boyfriend I could ever have (I won't say who), two of the easiest people I can talk to, I've been happier and more confident in expressing myself, a lot less socially restrained, mentally organized, no longer lost. My boyfriend has told me more than once that he doesn't see anything wrong with me and that I don't need those pills nor a therapist, by I know how I feel. I know he means well, but I wish he could see how genuinely happy I am with these positive alterations in my life, especially him. n///n

     While these happy things have driven many of the fireflies away, there are unfortunately a few who insist on staying. But I refuse to let the the pills do all the hard work. For the most part, this is my responsibility to put my reckless, pretentious mind in control if I want to be more than I've ever been as an artist and a person.